Chapter 12:
That night the dream happened again. The kitchen, the glass, the blood, the beginning of it all. It didn't shock Raya that it was starting again. Taylor had just brought back a flood of emotions telling her about her mom and asking her to go back to Tulsa. She almost expected it to happen as she laid down to sleep that night. However that didn't make it any less traumatizing and she snapped awake, heart racing, and sweating.
She quietly got out of bed making sure not to wake Taylor who was asleep next to her. The house the guys were staying in didn't have an extra bedroom and so Raya was just sharing Taylor's room while she was there. She slipped on a sweatshirt that he had laying around and tiptoed out of the room and out to the kitchen. She made herself some tea and sat on the counter drinking it.
She tried to clear her mind and focus on things that she needed to take care of as she sat there and drank. Her job for example. Did she really want to keep it? With as much as she had been calling in she might just get fired fixing the problem for her, but then what was she going to do for money? She had a relatively large amount sitting in her bank account, but without a job her mortgage payment would eat through it rather quickly. Which brought up her house... did she really want to stay there living next to Lindsay? Not that she was mad at Lindsay in any way shape or form, but she was the one who got her into all this mess to begin with. If she went back home, Lindsay might drag her back into it again.
“Hey, what are you doing up?” a sleepy Taylor asked walking into the kitchen. He had to squint his eyes against the harsh light.
“I couldn't sleep,” Raya said, “What are you doing up?”
“I just woke up and saw you weren't in bed, so I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I'm fine... I just had some thinking to do,” she smiled.
“Anything you want to talk about?” Taylor asked taking the mug out of her hands and taking a sip.
“Not really... just trying to figure out my life.”
“Cuz that's not a loaded topic or anything,” he said sarcastically handing Raya back her tea.
“I know, right. I just need things to change. I can't keep living like I have been,” she said.
“Good, I'm glad. You need a change.”
“You really need to learn how to say what you really feel,” Raya said sarcastically. Taylor laughed.
“Come back to bed... we can talk about your changes,” Taylor said pulling on her arm.
“What if I don't want to talk?”
“You know you're gonna have to talk to me sometime about everything that goes on up there,” he said tapping her head with his finger, “Come on.” He turned around so that Raya could get on his back and he gave her a piggyback ride back to the room. Dropping her on the bed when they got there.
“So tell me something,” Taylor said plopping down on the bed next to her.
“Like what?” she asked climbing under the blankets to stay warm.
“Like... why you don't want to go back to Tulsa,” he asked again.
“Tay...” she sighed.
“If you give me a good answer then I won't have to bother you anymore,” he said climbing under the blankets next to her
“It's just not a good feeling. Too much shit happened there,” she said picking at the blanket on her.
“Shouldn't going back like be empowering?” he asked.
“I don't know, I guess I'm just scared.”
“What if I'm there with you to take care of you?” he asked sweetly.
Raya smiled over at him, “I wish that was enough... there are just too many bad memories that I don't want to face being there. Especially if like my mom is back and most of my sisters are there and all that stuff.”
“But there are many great memories too... think about how much fun you and I used to have.”
“I know... I'm just not ready to face it yet.”
“Well just know that I will definitely be by your side when you are ready. Maybe that's the change you need.”
Raya sighed and cuddled in closer to Taylor, “Oh Taylor... I can't imagine what would've happened to me if you didn't come back into my life. As much as I resented you for it for awhile there, it's the best thing that could've happened to me.”
Taylor smiled and kissed Raya's forehead, “This is how it's supposed to be... you and me.”
Raya laughed, “That was so cheesy, but cute.”