Chapter 7:
Raya walked into her house after school on a Thursday afternoon. Something was wrong. She could sense it as soon as she walked in the door. It was as if a storm cloud was hanging low only over her house.
She heard some distant noises coming from the kitchen and so she quickly walked over and pushed open the swinging door. Her eyes fell on a sight that chilled her to her bones.
Her mother sat on the kitchen floor crying with broken dishes, crystal, wine bottles, and anything else that would shatter, broken into a million pieces on the floor. Her hands and arms were all gashed open and bleeding probably from all the breaking she had done.
“Mom,” Raya said rushing to her side, “What's wrong?”
“He's gone. You're son of a bitch father is gone,” she slurred. It was then that Raya realized that she had drank all the wine out of the bottles before smashing them.
“Wh- what?” Raya asked completely confused and in shock.
“He left. That mother fucker ran off with some 23 year old tramp!”
Her words stung Raya's ears. It was all so surreal and hearing her mom call her dad such harsh names was too much for her to handle.
“He's gonna come back though... you're married. He loves you,” Raya tried to reason panicking a little.
“No Raya he's not. He's gone and filing for divorce. Don't ever plan on seeing him again. He doesn't love me or you anymore.”
That's what hurt the worst. How could her dad not love her? How could he never see her again? Raya was suddenly short of breath and the room started to spin.
Raya's eyes flew open, a cold sweat across her forehead was drenching her hair. Her heart was pounding and the room was still spinning. She could still smell the lingering scent of alcohol on her mothers breath and see the blood stained glass on the floor. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down.
She used to have the nightmare of that day almost every night for the first year or so after it happened. It was later accompanied by nightmares of her mom drinking excessively and almost being raped by numerous men. But she hadn't had that dream for a long time, a few years in fact. She knew exactly why it popped up though.
The look of concern and worry that Taylor had given her at lunch was the same look he had given her when he found out about her dad. It was a look she would never forget.
Raya wasn't able to get back to sleep that night. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the kitchen and her mom. Her lack of sleep was apparent on her face the following morning.
“My god you looked trashed,” Lindsay said walking into Raya's house and into the kitchen where Raya was trying to pump herself full of coffee, “Are you sick?”
“No, I just got like zero sleep,” Raya said taking a big gulp of her coffee.
“Well why aren't you still in bed then?” Lindsay asked pouring herself her own cup of coffee, her original purpose of coming over.
“Because I just can't sleep.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I just had a horrible dream that's all.”
“Do you want to talk or anything?”
Raya thought for a moment. She hadn't ever told Lindsay about her past and the toll it had taken on her. She wasn't exactly sure she wanted to re-hash it all either, but on the other hand maybe it would help.
“My dad left when I was 16 and it pretty much ruined my life,” she began trying to fight back the tears that immediately sprang to her eyes the second she opened her mouth, “We were such a close and strong family. We were all such strong Christians and life was perfect, but he ran off with a young 20 something year old. My mom didn't know what to do and she started drinking and would just sleep with guys for money. We had to move around a lot and I had to see things I should've never seen like my mom getting beat by her latest guy.”
“Oh my god,” Lindsay said quickly wrapping her mow crying friend up in a hug, “I'm so sorry.”
“It made me lose all of my faith. Everything I had known and believed in was gone in 2 seconds. How could I believe in God and any sort of good in the world when everything was so shitty? I hated my dad and I REALLY hated my mom for not just being a respectable single parent and getting a job. I'm the oldest and so I had to try and be strong and shield my sisters from it all, but it became too much and I had to leave. I had to start over. I was doing great too. I hadn't thought about any of it for a long time.” Raya wiped the tears from her face.
“What brought it all back now?”
“Taylor. We had a talk yesterday about how he's worried about me and the way I live my life now. He looked at me the same way as he did when I told him about my dad. This painful expression of worry and... helplessness. It just mad it all come flooding back.”
“I'm really sorry Ray,” Lindsay said rubbing her arm reassuringly, “I had no idea.”
Raya shrugged, “It's okay. I've learned to move on with my life.”
The question remained though, did she really lean to move on with her life? Or did she just learn how to push it to the back of her mind and not think about it? There was one thing Raya knew for sure though, if these dreams were going to be coming back because of Taylor then she couldn't see him anymore.